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Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl - Carrie Brownstein

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Description

 							
  
  "Music has
always been my constant, my salvation," wrote Carrie Brownstein in the farewell post for her NPR music blog, Monitor
Mix. With her memoir, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, Brownstein—one kinetic third of Time's best American rock
band Sleater-Kinney, and co-writer and star of sketch show "Portlandia"—has now written a book to the same
effect. As much as it’s a record of Sleater-Kinney’s birth and storied career, it’s also a generous
document about personal fandom and music as savior. Here, we might read about Brownstein’s musical success and
travails with the avidity of fans—but in her praise of music’s sustaining thrill we can see something
closer to ourselves.
  
  In the memoir’s dramatic opening, though, salvation seems remote. Brownstein
writhes in physical and psychic pain during Sleater-Kinney’s 2006 European tour: she has shingles brought on by
stress, and feels isolated from band colleagues Corin Tucker and Janet Weiss thanks to her frayed spirit and contagious
condition. Her dissociation is so piteous that she considers slamming her hand in a door so she can go home.
  
  Rewind to the beginning, a parallel period of upheaval and query. Of her own origin story, Brownstein says,
"I’ve always felt unclaimed." Music and performance were clear bright spots for a girl in the Seattle suburbs,
with parents who were in disarray under the surface. Kenny and Linda Brownstein (namesakes for the wanderers in
Sleater-Kinney song "Wilderness") are regular middle-class parents, in that the secrets they struggle to keep
destabilize their family. Kenny, as he eventually tells his daughters, has been in the closet for most of his life;
Linda gradually yields to a severe eating disorder and is hospitalized, then checks out of the family entirely.
 

  For succor, Brownstein turns to music. From the synth-laden pop of Madonna to early Television, she is
fascinated with the mechanics of the songs that make her burn. Particularly, she cherishes live shows, which show her a
possible future: "I needed to press myself up against small stages…just so I could get a glimpse of who I wanted
to be." Witnessing Heavens to Betsy—one of Tucker’s first bands—play a "strident" college show
cements it; like a musical oracle, Tucker agrees Brownstein should seek out the musical community she craves in
Olympia.
  Olympia, that holy land, proves the nourishing home Brownstein hopes for. Everything there is
adrenalizing: "the labels K Records and Kill Rock Stars, the bands, the fanzines, the people, the remnants of Riot
Grrrl, the clothes." From there, to recording a first album in Australia and eventually playing stadiums with Pearl Jam,
Sleater-Kinney built a sound and reputation.
  
  Nerds and weirdos will feel seen in Brownstein’s
account of herself as a scrappy outsider. It’s a surprise to associate her staggering stage and studio
presence—in live shows, she is both electric filament and wild force—with the anxious, talky youth on
these pages. One band audition, with no less than Elizabeth Davis of 7 Year Bitch, goes awkwardly, and
Brownstein’s foolhardy follow-up is "a letter wherein I compared myself to the Red Hot Chili Peppers guitarist
John Frusciante." It’s a funny, relatable anecdote, and just one example of her familiarity with the
no-holds-barred ache of rock dreams.
  
  Brownstein’s prose style often echoes her insistent lyrics,
full of staccato, alliterative sentences and jagged adjectives in triplicate. Describing a growing friction between her
and her mother: "We vacillated between shouting and silence, the megaphone and the mute." These pointed sentences make
her broader-brush writing elsewhere feel vague in comparison; direct speech is rare, for example, and as a consequence
certain scenes and people read as flat or elusive.
  
  True to her practice and passion, Brownstein is
magnetic when writing about music itself. Passages about her and Tucker’s collaboration explain how their
distinctive interplay emerged: "My entire style of playing was built around somebody else playing guitar with me, a
story that on its own sounds unfinished." Her appreciation of Tucker and Weiss, both musically and personally, is
palpable, especially within the often unpleasant pressure chamber of band life.
  
  Given her significant
musical achievements, Brownstein’s identification with the listener amounts to an act of empathy or, indeed,
equality—as might be expected from the person who wrote rock-projection anthem "I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone".
Even though she’s achieved her goal—she is Your Carrie Brownstein—she ultimately also claims a
space among enthusiasts and fans. You might see her up on the stage or hear her through your speakers, but she’s
still right there in the pit with us, screaming and wishing and dreaming. 						

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